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    Vitiligo

    6 Reasons why Vitiligo Shouldn’t Come Between You & Your Date…

    Ah! Dating! That wonderful topic that could consume an entire night during a dinner catchup with friends! From bad dates, to blind dates to the amazing dates that lead to marriage proposals after 6 weeks (it happens!), dating isnt dating if you havent got a good few stories to share….

    But what does dating feel like when you have a skin condition such as Vitiligo? For some it may overshadow the entire experiecnce, altering what we choose to wear and possibly, how we come across. I recall occassions where i’ve been on a date, having flitatious conversation, enjoying the type of company that makes you forget you’re in a public place, but at the back of my mind I’d be waiting for the dreaded question that felt like it needed a drum role beforehand “So, what happened to your skin”? In that very second, my heart would sink as my alterego attempted to confidently explain what it is, why I have it and how its very much apart of who I am….

    Vitiligo, or any skin condition for that matter, can sometimes make you feel like you can’t be yourself. Aside from the usual prep like ensuring your nails are pefectly manicured, to deciding how to wear your hair and what girly scent will send his senses a little wild, one of the hardest decisions to make is, what to wear. However, for us, as girls with Vitiligo, we sometimes have additional concerns, like ‘do I wear something that covers my patches’ or ‘do I dress freely in something that might show off my skin’? I was always the girl that would cover up, often choosing skinny jeans, a blouse with long sleeves or a fitted blazer becacuse I was too self-conscious about wearing something that would show the patches on my arms.

    Thankfully, I’ve learnt a lot about dating over recent years and most importantly, have become more open with what I wear and how I portray myself when I’m actually on a date. I’ve learnt a lot from guys I regard as good friends who have spoken honestly about women, dating and what their choices are based upon…. and I can assure you for the majority, it isn’t your skin…..

    So here’s what i’ve learnt in my quest to find the one…

     Don’t Let Vitiligo Define You…

    Yes, your Vitiligo is very much part of who you are and who you’ve become, but don’t let it be the sole purpose of your existance. There is so much more to you than your skin. When you meet a guy for the first time, don’t feel pressured to explain what it is, or worry beforehand at the prospect of it becoming a topic of discussion. Talk about all the other stuff that makes you who you are – your love of sport, travelling to faraway places or how you love to indulge in chcolate after a long week at work, because they are the things that make you happy. Your skin is apart of you, its not the only thing that makes you, you…..

    We are responsible for our own happiness…

    Try not to have the expectation that part of the guys job is to make you feel good about yourself. Sure, its good to date a guy who knows how to compliment and appreciate you, when you’re looking and feeling your best, but try to avoid feeling as though he should supplement your happiness. I once believed it was a guys job to compliment and make me feel comfortable if I chose to wear a t-shirt or a swimsuit on the beach, but I soon realised im responsible for feeling good about me and anything else is a nice bonus!

    Guys arent as concerned about your skin as you might think…

    Apologies if that is borderline blunt, I just want to build on the point that your skin isn’t what determines who you are as a person. I can’t speak for all guys, but honestly, the majority are not worried about your skin. Imagine you’ve been talking for weeks, exchanging flirtatious one liners, feeling each other’s energy and you’re simply feeling a really good vibe. Date night arrives. You’ve arranged a great meeting spot and you’ve chosen the outfit that makes you feel confident. When you think of everything that surrounds that vision, where does Vitiligo fit in? I’d love if you could honestly say ‘nowhere’…

    I remember catching a guy staring at my hands once. He was incredibly hot, so the shear thought of his eyes transfixed on my porcelain white hands almost made me crumble. Seconds later, he took my hand and told me how beautiful they were and then proceeded to tell me how his cousin developed Vitiligo when he was 12 years old. It made me realise how negatively assuming my thoughts can sometimes be and just how often I think the worst when really they could be thinking the opposite. For me, it really broke the ice in the most endearing way. I valued the honesty and the openness which made me feel as though I could comfortably be myself.

    Confidence is the most attractive quality…

    As women, we like confidence in a man….men like the same…and believe me its all the rage these days! If you look around you and on social media, there are endless advocates promoting body confidence and embracing all that we are aesthetically. Now, I’m not saying that all guys are open to dating girls that embrace their differences, but a large percentage love a girl that loves herself. The girls that are content and accepting of who they are the ones that are probably quite fun to be around.

    If you’re content, comfortable and realise your own self-worth, then a guy will see those things you see. If you’re someone who isn’t comfortable in their own skin and expresses that, not only can it put pressure on a relationship but it can become hard for a guy to convince you that you are a beautiful person…..especially if you don’t believe it yourself.

    Don’t make any assumptions…..

    Don’t make any assumptions on what you think the other person is thinking. You will never really know, so let conversations take place and enjoy the moment without being paranoid you know what is going on in their head. I’ve had dates where guys have asked me about my skin and others where they’ve not asked me at all. I used to find it strange if I wasn’t asked, because I naturally assumed they must curious and would want to know why my skin was the way it was.

    Ive stopped looking at it too deeply. If he doesn’t ask, im open to the fact it doesn’t bother him. Im also open to the fact that he will ask someday, but for now he isnt getting to know my skin, he is getting to know me and my potential as a partner (and vice versa).

    Promise yourself this…

    The next time you are preparing for a date, focus on the things that are important. The things that are happening in the current moment – for example when you’re getting ready, painting your nails and leaving the house with half a bottle of Chanel following behind you….

    Nerves are natural and expected….even for the those most confident. As is, changing your outfit three times because you can’t decide whether the peplum top looks better than the cold shoulder top, but don’t add Vitiligo to the list of things to worry about. That can come later, but preferably not at all…

    Disclaimer: My posts are never written to offend. They are my personal viewpoints based on my own personal experiences. I hope you enjoy reading…

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